I am not anyones manic pixie dream social secretary. Now shes supposed to go on a date with me if I ask for one!. Lots of commenters here are noting that people ask about weekend plans as small talk. She got like that by working three times as hard as everyone else and being three times as smart as everyone else. It takes a bit of confidence to state clearly and categorically what you want and then ask someone else to join in that thing, and not everyone has that degree of confidence. Suggesting someones internal dialogue over a situation is a pretty extreme response feels blame-y and a way to police someones (totally valid) feels. The same is true for both indirect hinty inquiries like doing anything on the weekend? and direct invites like Are you available for X chore/ Y funthing Saturday between 2 and 5? Or noncommittal responses like dunno, maybe or definite responses like I will make time for a few specific fun things within specific timeframe, otherwise I am unavailable. None of these is universally rude; any/all can be considered presumptuous, pushy, passive, or otherwise inappropriate to specific circumstances or relationships (and fine/desirable for others), and any/all may result in added difficulty/danger if they are spoken to a person who has the ability to cause problems if displeased, and are not what that person wants to hear. Lessons in Love from Julia Roberts Movies true tho like next t inme ill say this and it will. "It's Friday baby!! Man, that sounds great, but I know Im forgetting something on my calendar. With strangers (e.g., cashiers) and other people you dont know personally well (casual acquaintances, colleagues with whom you are not also friends, etc. I wish that just once I had the wherewithal to respond to a manipulative invitation like LW describes with the classic Phoebe Buffet line: Oh, I wish I could, but I dont want to.. Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." So nowadays Ill say something like Im probably going to do [X], but thats not urgent if you want to hang out instead! or I need to do [X] but I have time for a quick dinner if youre interested. (People who are not the boything get oh, Ive got laundry because theres almost nobody else Im willing to make same-day plans with. But you, yours steals the show every time. ! OH ME TOO. How are you? How about you? might be more the way to communicate what you have in mind. If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. And maybe just dont think of the flip side where the question could potentially add more pressure. But a couple people have African-violeted me over this. Then they use your answer to decide if you're the sort of person who gets to join their clan and engage in merriment and shenanigans on a regular basis. Although I do the opposite: Im ALWAYS busy/have to work, when certain people ask. You can be too busy for a request, or have no conflict if you want. Being one half of a couple is also very handy in this respect. I've Tried, but No One Listens Hopefully Not as Good as I'll Ever Be If I Was Any Better, Vitamins Would Be Taking Me Okay. I wouldnt mind your first either, but thats because the few people whod ask me exactly that are close enough for me to answer however Id like. They dont ask if you want to do the thing and then you are able to tell them (and if you were busy, youd probably mention that when declining). I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Sometimes, it's good to be a little silly and fun! its BANK HOLIDAY?. (And it also stopped me from being super-duper free to do alllll the weekend shifts. Busy busy busy! No one asks or cares, but its as vague as the original request and helps facilitate the DELAY! tactic the Captain talks about. 2. No, that is a very bad script with pushy family connections. What are you up to this weekend? I dont give any indication as to what I am up to until they tell me what they are up to. That way they know Im not just sitting around with nothing to do, so I havent just signed myself up for free babysitting or moving services. Those non-negotiable things come up probably twice a month, at most. I feel like letting her sleep is far more important than my social life right now., Sorry, I know it sounds like a stupid excuse. Never trust Calvin, even if you see Hobbes! You would think, right? I think my own culture is more ask-y, but I had a pretty pushover personality and often felt, well, pushed around by the people around me. Thats my go-to when someone asks me what I am doing at some point in the near future. Relatedly, this is not an impolite thing to say. Ahhhh the family stuff. Me: .No. Oh, surviving, surviving. I dont know what would do the most damage for NYCs daughter long-term, but I do know that no matter the form it ultimately takes, the preservation of parental lines of dominance into the adulthood of the child will do real damage long-term. But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? I love days where I have no obligations and I can go where the wind takes me. So far, everyone Ive said this to has gotten the message that I want an obligation free day. Me: Fine, thanks. I hate it when people tell me whats best for me (more plans! Even when its not meant as a hostile act (merely as an exoticising one thats so cool/I used to want to travel there/is it true that people there do x) being othered never feels welcoming. You always say Im working on my crochet projects this weekend. (Rememberif she had specific other plans, thats a reasonable excuse. Going to mars where children don't ask questions. You can answer a pleasant: Nothing much! or Youre looking at it, breakfast was great! or I hope you get some free time later today, the weather is lovely! without worrying about it at all. This is just a funny response to give because it is the opposite of what they had asked just you. So yeah, I feel that part too. And its hard to argue with. You may also eagerly seize on these options and/or provide some of your own., (2) Hey, Im looking for someone to cat-sit while Im out of town for the next three months. But they seemed concerned that this type of answer was not appropriate or that there might be a better strategy. That would create some damage. I think there is something to be said for family relationships between adults where the balance is between emotional labor and responsibility for the home rather than money. All five are initial questions, appropriate for a relatively fast . But I think its disingenuous? (Like the How are you? inquiries) If the reason for you that you daughter should help you at X time with X thing is because family, is the reverse also true? Its not lazy that I did X this week which meant I was in pain by Friday night. Its hard to navigate things as just small talk when follow-up questions and comments quickly lead to territory I dont want to discuss. Not least of which, I never felt obligated to pick up on any of his hints ever again. So I know what youre talking about. Whereas a lot of us see the advantages, like the precision you noticed, to some form of rapid written communication that wasnt around decades ago. During [business_hours] that's usually within a couple of hours. What are you up to this weekend? is an absolutely normal question and learning to use it is not a failure of yourself. I hate this question too because likeI dont always pick up on it! Funny Responses to "How Are You?" that will make people laugh Science of People 815K subscribers Subscribe 3K Share 53K views 7 months ago #vanessavanedwards #conversation #communication How. Follow. Like, OK, were not people who talk to each other about our lives beyond the weather and traffic, cool. And then deflect back on to them. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. Speaking about sudden change of moods and plans, and friends getting you: Several years ago, at the phone, ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with my friends in a pub to watch the incoming results of the Brexit referendum. The bad news is that this question probably isnt going anywhere in our lifetime. Reply with 'Hey' Back. friend: yep cool While we're sure there are plenty more things people do for fun, these are some good hobbies to mention: Outdoors activities like rock climbing, hiking, cycling, etc. Id rather know the thing up front so I can answer it directlyare you free without telling me the activity feels like a setup. If I catch myself, before they respond lll clarify what my actual invitation is. Certain relatives. Its just that nobody expects a stranger or lesser known acquaintance to actually want to answer the question literally. Thats fair. Tomorrow is the weekend! Not blond but like superwhite. Okay, how would that be couched in terms of a lease you would give to another renter? They help us tons, just because they love us and were family. It still feels awkward, even though I do not think she is trying to manipulate me or claim my time. That question from certain people stresses me too! All of these. I also like the advice to just tell people I interact with regularly that I dont like that question. And sometimes the answer is well but if they respond that way theyre not your friends anyway, but we interact with a lot of people who are not our friends but who are important to our lives (coworkers, for example, or in-laws) and yet who can levy that cost. I hate ditherers with the passion of a thousand suns. ? I had a boss once who sometimes wanted to know if I could work overtime on the weekend, but sometimes wanted to know if there was quirky events on that her daughter might be interested in. In ways that I doubt he even always notices. Leisure time is notI give up my leisure time to hem her pants or help her move back from college or make her dinner. I have a group of friends now whom I trust not to give me a hard time about the explicit choice to paint my toenails in front of Netflix instead of going out. You'll Get Eaten Last. Lead with the actual invitation. My Kid: No (shuts door) Your turn to tell me what you have in mind!. Ive learned a lot of strategies.). Personally, Id recommend not babysitting at all for six months to allow cousin the time to get used to the idea that LW is not cousins handmaiden, then seeing if LW can re-engage with the cousin in a mutually respectful manner. mohamed salah net worth 2021,