Part of HuffPost Entertainment. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Thats all it is. ", 85. "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . ", 14. ", 60. 'American Dream' documentary examines George Carlin's triumphs - NPR Religion is like a pair of shoes, you have to find the one that fits you. Here's Why George Carlin's 1996 Rant on Pro-Life Conservatives - Mic ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. "Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that. This cookie is used for storing country code selected from country selector. ""This country was founded by a group of slave owners who wanted to be. "Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to f**k.", 71. It's what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. George Carlin on the American Dream (with transcript) "Tell people there's an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. ", 87. "If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? Prof Thuggy aka Professor Thug 32K views 1. These Politicians Don't Care About You At All - Medium "You show me a lazy p***k who's lying in bed all day, watching TV, only occasionally getting up to p**s, and I'll show you a guy who's not causing any trouble. The fact that Americans will probably remain willfully ignorant of the big red, white, and blue dick thats being jammed up their assholes every day, because the owners of this country know the truth: Its call the Amercian Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it., RIP George Carlin. I don't always agree with everything he says, but I always listen Given the nature of our current Administration, I thought it timely to revisit what George said years ago (Back In Town HBO Special, 1996 . He said: Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. They will do anything for the unborn. Enter your email address to follow Motley News. I don't like cats. This ensures that the cookie consent box will not be presented again upon re-entry. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? They don't want to hear from you . "In America, anyone can become president. Quote by George Carlin: "But there's a reason. There - Goodreads "Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music. Well what if I don't want to? Used by Microsoft Advertising as a unique ID for visitors. "The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept. They own everything. ", 52. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. I, on the other hand, who did not vote -- who did not even leave the house on Election Day -- am in no way responsible for what these politicians have done and have every right to complain about the mess that you created.". As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. ", 4. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. "I have as much authority as the Pope. They own everything. A 2018 survey by the Pew Research Center reports that less than half the country says elected officials care what . I didn't bother with him. On Election Day, I stay home. The cookies is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Necessary". ""Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Carlin's rueful 1996 routine about conservatives' opposition to abortion ("they will do anything for the unborn, but once you're born, you're on your own") became a newly viral phenomenon and. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. "I think everyone should treat one another in a Christian manner. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. It will be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts George Carlin, I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker. George Carlin, I dont like ass kissers, flag wavers, or team players. It's a Big Club, and You Ain't in It: George Carlin as Social and They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. 27 Feb 2023 13:57:17 Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. They're all in favor of the unborn. Everything He ever makes dies. They own you. How do school teachers handle this? Casale Media sets this cookie to collect information on user behavior, for targeted advertising. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. ", 21. That's the problem. Now, some people like to twist that around. Everything He ever makesdies. George Carlin, The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. This cookie is set by Segment to count the number of people who visit a certain site by tracking if they have visited before. This cookie is managed by Amazon Web Services and is used for load balancing. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. Whats that, a bonus? Weve added years to life, not life to years. "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. They dont want well informed, well educated people capable of critical thinking. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. They've got the judges in their back pockets. (LogOut/ George Carlin They Don't Give a Fu@k About You - YouTube George speaking the truth. That would be a nice realistic campaign slogan for somebody: The public sucks. 51 Genius Quotes That Prove George Carlin Was A Modern Philosopher Pattern Integrity Films set the bit to photos and video clips from modern-day America and the result is devastating. ", 121. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. ", 94. You can take the boy out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the boy. "Everyone smiles in the same language. This cookie is used for email services. ", 28. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. He saw it from a . They come from American parents and American families, American homes, American schools, American churches, American businesses, and American universities, and they are elected by American citizens. They dont want to hear from you. George Carlin. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked. "When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' ", 11. "Never argue with an idiot. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. May 12, 1937 June 22, 2008. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid." 2. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. I'm f**kin' serious! When a . Carlin is usually spot on. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Forget the politicians. Keep your circle small. Yeah, the public sucks. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? They should be more vivid. ", 97. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. You think your current financial. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. ", 69. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. You have no choice. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks. ", 30. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. Carlin did this better than anyone else. By the way, its the same big club they use to beat you over the head with all day long when they tell you what to believe. Some critics felt that Ice Cube's willingness to work with Republicans signaled his support for Trump. We use cookies on our website to give you the most relevant experience by remembering your preferences and repeat visits. I think the life cycle is all backwards. Answer (1 of 16): He hated mostly all politicians. Deal with it. At all. Lijit Advertising Platform sets this cookie temporarily, when multiple partners pass their IDs to the platform simultaneously. ", 115. "Everybody's been mad at me, cause I haven't been on the f**king, y'know, the gravy train of these candidates, especially Joe Biden and Harris. This cookie stores a visitor's unique identifier for Chartbeat tracking on the site. ALEX COHEN, host: Carlin died yesterday of heart failure. No president has done right by us. When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. They've long since bought and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the statehouses, the city halls. ", 81. This is set on the first visit of the visitor to the site and updated on subsequent visits. Carlin was known for his dark comedy and reflections on politics, religion, psychology, language and taboo subjects. News about Volusia County Florida (and more) on Twitter: "RT You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. Everybody says they suck. I see a glass that's twice as big as it needs to be. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. After that, they don't wanna know about you. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. ", 90. "War is rich old men protecting their property by sending middle class and lower class men off to die. George Carlin "Forget the Politicians" and tells it like it is You're down to seven. "So, have a little fun. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. You should die first; get it out of the way. The Bachelorette's Angie Kent and Carlin Sterritt have been on holiday together in Vietnam the past week and sharing lots of glamorous selfies. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. . Individualists. 5 Reasons Why Followers Continue To Support Certain Political Leaders "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. Everybody says they suck. "Conservatives say if you dont give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. "When you step on the brakes, your life is in your foots hands. This cookie is used for identifying the geographical location by country of the user. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. ""Bipartisan usually means that a larger-than-usual deception is being carried out. ", 42. . ", 7. Was George Carlin a liberal or a conservative? - Quora Chartbeat sets this cookie to store the original referrer for the site visitor. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. They OWN YOU. George Carlin: Back in Town (1996) - George Carlin as Self - IMDb You have no choice. "I don't have pet peeves. Our country is failing because the majority of the people are selfish. -26 1amathrowaway 1 yr. ago LinkedIn sets the lidc cookie to facilitate data center selection. Known for his funny and sarcastic quotes, we think you'll get a kick out of his words. We're all fucked," Carlin once said. Rubicon Project sets this cookie as an internal user identifier that stores user data to be used for analytics. "People are fucking nuts. ""Deep Throat: Think about it. The Strange Afterlife of George Carlin - The New York Times And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever til the end of time! 60+ Hilarious George Carlin Quotes and Jokes | Thought Catalog AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. After that, they dont wanna know about you. "Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. "I have lots of ideas. AddThis sets this cookie to ensure that the updated count is seen when one shares a page and returns to it, before the share count cache is updated. Maybe something else sucks around here like, the public. "Don't give your money to the church. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. If you're preborn, you're fine; if you're preschool, you're f**ked." Answer (1 of 12): He was a liberal. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. It doesn't matter what side you're on. Who Does George Carlin Represent? | by Michael Thompson | Medium An old clip of George Carlin is gaining new life after this weeks reports from the Supreme Court on abortion. At all. That's against their interests. ", 27. Germany lost the Second World War. George Carlin - The American Dream - RU "A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin: Complaints & Grievances (2001) - IMDb The challenge is to find it. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating and you finish off as an orgasm. George Carlin, I dont have pet peeves I have major psychotic fucking hatreds. George Carlin, Some people see the glass half full. This cookie is used to collect data on user behaviour and interaction to make advertisement on the website more relevant. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' Famous and remained in the controversies for his dark comedy and the reflections on politics, religions, and social taboo, Carlin is . ", 38. The Romantic Comedy You Should Watch This Valentines Day, Based On Your ZodiacSign, Valentines Day Streaming Guide: The Best Rom-Coms To Binge On Netflix, HBO Max, AndMore, How Narcissists Use Dog Whistling To Covertly Abuse You: Signs Of This Dangerous ManipulationMethod, 11 Christmas Movies To Watch If Youre Dealing With Heartbreak Over TheHolidays. January Nelson is a writer, editor, and dreamer. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? It enables the embedding of Mix Cloud audio player. They dont give a fuck about you. Juno3127 10 years ago You couldn't be more wrong. RIP George Carlin. ", 114. Nobody seems to care. The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. Quote by George Carlin: "Now, there's one thing you might have noticed ""If churches want to play the game of politics, let them pay admission like everyone else. This is the best we can do folks. Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. Theyre all in favor of the unborn. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. "May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. CMPRO cookie is set by CasaleMedia for anonymous user tracking, and for targeted advertising. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. George Carlin on Being Arrested for Performing "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Johnny Carson 325K views 3 months ago George Carlin - Stand Up About Religion Matti Holden 13M. ", 6. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? What we need is a king, and every now and then if the kings not doing a good job, we kill him. No neonatal care, no daycare, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. They are irrelevant. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. They will do anything for the unborn. 3 queens who slayed while imitating Rep. George Santoss drag alter ego, Kitara Rivache, Libs Of TikTok's Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, Tennessee issues trans healthcare ban & nation's first drag ban. These Are The Most Controversial Comedians! - msn.com This cookie is used for advertising, site analytics, and other operations. If you vote, and you elect dishonest, incompetent politicians, and they get into office and screw everything up, you are responsible for what they have done. But this week, his voice has brought to life a new anti-Trump video called America Wake Up, created by a. Thats right. Soon enough you'll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. ", 47. Two decades later, the anti-abortion movement hasn't really changed. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. 4. The video featured audio from George's Wake Up America bit combined with imagery of events and people in today's society. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. TOP 25 QUOTES BY GEORGE CARLIN (of 976) | A-Z Quotes The sp_t cookie is set by Spotify to implement audio content from Spotify on the website and also registers information on user interaction related to the audio content. So I don't trust none of them. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Try spelling Evian backward. They want more for themselves and less for everybody else, but Ill tell you what they dont want. Men are insecure about the size of their dicks, and so they have to kill one another over the idea. MediaMath sets this cookie to avoid the same ads from being shown repeatedly and for relevant advertising. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. "My advice: just keep moving straight ahead. ", 117. "I don't believe anything the government tells me.". Theyre not interested in that. In 1972, he was arrested for violating obscenity laws after his infamous comedy sketch, 7 Words You Can Never Say On Television. This cookie is used to detect and defend when a client attempt to replay a cookie.This cookie manages the interaction with online bots and takes the appropriate actions. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Advertisement cookies are used to provide visitors with relevant ads and marketing campaigns. Analytical cookies are used to understand how visitors interact with the website. "In America, anyone can become president. The domain of this cookie is owned byOracle Eloqua. ", 101. Learn how your comment data is processed. They own you. Quantserve sets the mc cookie to anonymously track user behaviour on the website. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. - George Carlin. Crown thy good into temptation but deliver us from the twilight's last gleaming. ", 31. It even sparked a legal case with the U.S. Supreme Court!